Zombie Nation - Part 1 Extended

Right its going to happen, whatever your beliefs or whatever you have heard its still going to happen. The zombie plague will stricken down this world and all its pitiful inhabitants, and you know what? My advice is the only thing which is gonna save you from eternal life as one of the walking dead. What I've written won't tell you why zombies have appeared or who/what could have caused it, no below in the information your going to need if you wake up one day turn the news on and you realise the world is in the grips of a zombie plague. Read or face ultimate death.

First and most importantly after you find out about the plague (Be that through the Radio, New etc) You have to find a weapon, and you have to find one quick. You don't know if there are any zombies in your area and you could blindly walk out of the door and find yourself faced with hundreds and upon hundreds of brain munching undead! Personal I would opt for something quick and short range attacks like a large knife or a crowbar and then also something with more of a reach so you can keep zombies from getting too close. A spade would work but if not a broom could do as its fairly light. Remember the long range weapons are mainly for keeping zombies at a distance rather than disposing of them so as long as your repping something for the short range like a knife you will be doing ok.

Right after you have sorted out some sort of defense for yourself its time to check on the rest of people in your house/flat, this is where you have to be very careful as you don't know how the the zombie disease is being spread so unbeknown to you your flatmate/family could being either be in the process of zombification or may have already turned. This is point where you have to put any former emotions or post zombie morals you used to have behind you. This is a new dangerous world and your feeble morals have no place in it. Part with these feelings like you would part with a wad of cash on a cheap Croatian midget stripper, and if your anything like me you could part with that cash fairly quickly. Approach the rooms wherever your family/flamates reside and take a deep breath, you don't know what may be the other side. You have to be ready to plunge whatever weapon you have straight into their brain (The commonly acknowledged weak point of a zombie). It doesn't matter if its your mum or your girlfriend if the moment you walk into the room you see that they are no longer one of the living then kill them straight away. I know you may be asking how can I be sure if they have turned or not? Well honestly you can't but my advice is kill first and don't ask questions. The seconds you spend trying to decide whether they may or may not be a zombie could be the seconds in which they are on top of you chomping away at your genitals. Basically if they look sick, have any cuts or just look a little different to normal then you kill them straight away. I have no problem in killing anyone if it means that a don't get turned into a zombie, frankly sometimes I think it might just be safer to kill some people anyway as they would probably end up being zombies anyway. You know the sort of people who clearly have no chance of surviving in this new world. Fat slow people, stupid people, fat stupid people, rahs, rahs on horses (even though you would think the horse would be an advantage!), ravers, smackheads, people with really big feet. Well you get the idea the list could go on for a long time, actually thinking about it now maybe you should kill people you think probably end up getting bitten. Because lets face it your doing them a favor, at least if you kill them you can make it quick, rather than being bitten and ripped apart by zombies and then living out the rest of their 'lives' and a walking corpse, which in turns leaves another zombie out for your brain. Well I'll leave these details up to you, but always be ready to slash a throat or two.
For a change lets look on the positive side and assume that you discovered that your flatmates/family are still healthy humans, its now time to get the hell out of your house/flat!

Whatever the government might be saying, staying in your house is not a good idea. Unless you live out in the country, and as most people live in places where lots of people live/work then you will quickly understand that staying in your house would be very fucking stupid. Before you leave you have a few things to get in order, that being getting some supplies and decided if your gonna try and get a crew together. I'll start with provisions, For this initial dash your just gonna need essentials as once you have found somewhere to secure you can search for more supplies. So what you need is some tinned goods and water as they last a long time, your weapons and then also whatever medicines you have in your house/flat as you don't want to get ill on the road. Which leads me to a little side point, if any of your group gets ill your gonna have to weigh up whether to hold tight for a few days for them to recover or whether to leave them behind. As this first mission is the most important as its to find somewhere secure you don't want to be wasting time in one place looking out for someone ill. So I say if they can walk make them walk and if you HAVE to stop for them and stay put, don't stay in any one place longer than a day. Because you don't know how many zombies are n your trail or how many more are surrounding you. If after this day the ill member of your group still can't walk well then tough luck their getting left behind.

If you decide to go the route of having a crew with you, your going to have to weigh up the various advantages and disadvantages to group sizes. With a larger group of say 4 or more you have the problems of getting to these people in a zombie infested town and then after that you have the problems of feeding/keeping safe and housing all these people, and lets not forget that you will travel slower with a larger group. However the advantages are that with a bigger group your more likely to be able to fight off groups of zombies or just general crazies. Also with the added people you would be able to build a better defense outpost to hold out in. However what I would prefer would be a group of no more than four people, as with that number you can get about with more speed yet you still have a good number to fight in case your surrounded etc. One piece of advice which is important regardless of the group size is that you should be prepared to betray anyone in order to survive. For example say your surprised by a group of roaming zombies my first port of call would be to kick the person nearest to me as hard as possible in the ankles. By doing this I've given myself a good few more seconds to escape, these are the sorts of tricks you need to keep in mind. Once your a pro you can try and do it without them seeing which means that by the slim chance that they survive you don't have to go through the boring rigmarole of explaining why you kicked them.

Once you have decided on your companions and have packed up your supplies its time to make your escape, if you want to find out what to do and where to go you better tune in next time because lets face if you don't if the zombies attack your gonna be fucked. Until then always keep a crowbar handy and lets hope the zombies don't rise up before I part with the rest of my survival knowledge.

Alabama Black Snake