The Twat Factor

We need to find a massive twat.

I notice there's a beauty competition in some newspaper each year to find the best looking girl in the city. As the city is a 82.9% ratio of women with 'hatchet-face syndrome' the contestants of said competition tend to be girls with your typical perma tans, hair extentions and ''shot in the face with a paintball gun" make up.

I suppose if Chernobyll victims were your target audience, I guess they'd be quite good looking..

Anyway, making celebrities out of these ladies who have evidently been given makeovers by somebody with a very distinct hate for women isn't exactly on the agenda, but as part of official self-established Pancakes 'Twat Of The Year 2009' award, I am keen to make big names with my chosen contestants.

My first contestant, I can not name. I doubt he can read and if he can I doubt he has any legal power behind him to sue us...He goes by the invented moniker of which his prefferred genre of music is integrated into his imaginary name. Not even creative, for some bizarre reason his alias' name is even more dull than his regular name - so why should he be Twat Of The Year?

Because he 'has only one outfit'.

Unlike said 'twats' this article refers to, THIS man just screams sex.......anal sex.

Quite frankly there is something very disturbing, tragic and almost bittersweet about the kinds of men who still want to dress like Pete Doherty well into their 20's and 30's - anyone who wants to replicate the image of a skinny, sweaty average musician with a heroin addiction and green teeth isnt exactly your typical ladykiller - on second thought maybe he is -criminally insane is a term i shall use loosely. Yet this man, with his one really indie outfit, has captured the hearts of the under 18 girls in the region by storm.I suppose you've got to admire his skill of seduction - persuading young girls to 'show him round' the area.

I' d show him into a burning building, personally.

I also admire his countless photographic evidence of himself in the same outfit day in, day out. It's kind of like he's a cartoon character. Admittedly a cartoon character you'd find in some obscure Norwegian publication named 'Hoogastraten!' but a cartoon character all the same.I wonder if he just washes his outfit every night, fresh for tomorrows day of 'sex, drugs and rock'n'roll lolz' or whether he just has a wardrobe full of the same outfit, in which they all rotate on a rail by the push of a button.

So yeah, if you would like this contestant to be Pancakes Twat Of The Year 2009, please keep your eyes peeled for an animated gentlemen with bulging veins and a belt tied around his upper arm.If you'd like to submit a local twat, a celebrity twat or even yourself as a contestant, please be in touch

More twats coming your way.