The best bands that have never existed... - Extended

So I've recently came to the belief that to really be the big cheese within any group of people you need to know of things that noone else knows. It doesn't matter what it is but having a seemingly endless knowledge of things that people have never heard of makes you seem better than them. I however have no time for such things. I like songs because they're catchy not because they're made by an albino child who uses the ribs of shrews to make the sound. So I have now decided to get up to speed without having to put any real effort in I will just invent bands. So this does work to a certain extent but you can't just make up a name, they need a back story, they need to be from somewhere, preferably somewhere obscure. Here are my four favorite made up bands so that next time you see me impressing people with my knowledge you will be able to back me up with a fun fact about them.

1.The Time Travelling Retro Whores – Despite the name none of this band are female but they sure do look it. They're a glam punk revival band who play all of their music exclusively on instruments that are made to look like guitars. Keytars are well known but have you ever heard of a drumtar or a xylotar. Like all good bands there is a message behind the lyrics. What is the message? Wear fur. It looks good and it feels good. Leopard print jeans are cool but how much cooler are they when they really used to be a leopard.

The Time Travelling Retro Whores are attributed to inventing the well known phrase 'Fuck endangered animals, save the endangered instrument.'

2.Lord Archer and the Dancehall Sluts – Quite a modern sound for a band that is made up exclusively by ex members of parliament. They play soulless indie pop with no real meaning behind the lyrics and no real talent on the instruments. Do they need either of these things? Well the rave reviews from their recent sell out tour of Lithuania say no. Sadly Lord Archer is no longer a member as he pursues his career with a more Nu Rave approach to the cheap joyless music which is indie pop.

3.Dorkstep – This is an artist but he has created a whole genre which uses the same name. It's very similar to dubstep but instead of the generic echoing quote to make it feel a bit more epic it has a quote from a famous Sci-fi film. For comic relief Dorkstep released a single under the name Paedostep which had echoing quotes from everyone's favourite convicted paedophiles. Nothing makes you donate more than hearing “Your mummy told me to pick you up from school” followed by a wobbling bass.

One of the main samples on the Paedostep single was that of everyones favorite murdering paedophile, Albert Fish

4.Alvin and the Chipmunks – No, it's not an album by the fantastic cartoon chipmunk band. Alvin is an artist who has been making waves within the modern music scene. Using samples of chipmunks being squeezed slightly too hard to produce the sound Alvin has managed to create a whole scene around his love of inflicting pain on rodents.

Pony Robbins