A List of people who shouldn't be allowed to vote

Anyone who voted on X Factor.

Anyone who puts on their blog/myspace/facebook that “Choose Life” quote from Trainspotting or that Banksy 'list of people who should be shot'. I bet you all pray that people don't realise you didn't write them and think you're making a really deep statement but really you're just a fucking leech with no personality so need to steal someone elses creative ideas to make yourself look better.

People who talk really loudly on their phones on public transport then declare that “this guy's just like staring at me”. I'm staring at you because you are a loud mouthed wanker who is lacking the intelligence to say politely to your friend “I'll call you back I'm on the bus” or if you really want to talk maybe you could be a bit quieter so I don't have to turn my music on full just to avoid you informing your mate that you pulled last night. Give it up, you're not convincing us and you're not convincing yourself. You didn't pull, you sat at the end of the bar watching this girl who looked over then in your head thought “She's totally checking me out” when in reality she is just getting a good look at your face incase she needs to identify a rapist the next day.

People who take myspace photos. I don't mean just photos, I mean “Myspace” photos. You sit their trying to get that look just right and the reaction you get is your friends saying “OMG those snakebites really do make you look so totally hardcore!” Just to be clear, they don't. We all see your photos and think you look like a slag with a stupid haircut. I don't even get it, why do you take them? It must be to attract boys but surely when they turn up to take you to McDonalds and buy you some small fries do they not realise you look nothing like you do on the Internet? You're perfectly photoshopped skin sadly resembles the surface of the moon. That hair which try oh so hard to make look perfect on the photo now resembles a dead crow. Seriously, do one.

People who take their jobs to seriously. If you work for very little money and don't do it fulltime you cannot speak down to me about not having a job. You work in a shit bar/shop/restaurant/cafe and think you can preach to me about not being mature. I have more productive days than you do in your shitty little job and guess what I don't have to wear an awful waistcoat.

People who write shit graffiti. I don't mean real graffiti as I'm not knowledgable enough on the subject of real writing to have a real opinion. I mean toilet graffiti. I love it, I love thinking about the mindset that caused someone to scrawl on a wall in Gateshead “Australia is not real”. I really enjoy the dialogues you get, where someone has answered someone and it ends up in an argument which progresses over the weeks. What I do not like is the shit graffiti which is usually found in more bohemian bars. I do not want to read a poem about a girl you love, in fact that is the last thing I want to read whilst pissing on my shoes through sheer confusion about why you have decided to write that. What annoys me even more is that people have taken the time to reply to you, giving you helpful hints about what you should do.

People who are pro or anti anything. Why do you think we care? I hate people who are pro drugs as much as I hate people who are anti drugs. It annoys me that throughout life you get told “Don't give into peer pressure”, let's be honest, if you really weren't giving into peer pressure you'd form an opinion of whatever it is you apparently should or shouldn't do by yourself.

People who are creeps. I hate creeps, people who stalk girls around clubs. Girls who steal items of clothing like your hat in an attempt to get you to dance with them. If I wanted to dance with you I would have came over and if my friend wanted to kiss you she would not be running away. It annoys me that you then probably go home and talk about this girl totally wanted me or there was this proper prick at the club tonight.


Lots of pretty illustrations to be added to this and other articles